A DEMI-SEXUAL'S VIEW OF HAVING SEX JUST FOR "FUN" -- IT IS ABHORRRENT TO ME!

I am a gay naturist male and I have many gay naturist friends. One of my friends needs to have regular massages. Thus, I suggested to him that I give him a massage. I am not a masseur, but I have taken classes, seminars, and refresher courses. I have had RMTs and a Tantric Master as mentors and have been giving free massages to friends and acquaintances for over 15 years

Since my friend is gay and as naturist the massage would be naked, I well understood and briefly described the potential directions the massage might take. However, I felt that the intimacy of the close friendship would prevent any negative consequences. I have given other friend's massages and it has not damaged or tainted our friendship. 

                    

Here is how he responded:

“I have just one word on reading that -- LOL.  I don't mix friendship with FUN.  It doesn't work              for me. If I have to choose, I choose friendships.  You're a great guy as a friend.”

I despise the word "FUN" when used in reference to sex, an act of such a physical familiarity and closeness. It is not like the fun of playing cards, taking a walk, having a heart-to-heart discussion, seeing a movie with a friend. I believe it is much closer to the physical familiarity of a cat who has "FUN" torturing a mouse before killing it; Orca parents and cubs who have "FUN" with a seal before they eat it. If you use a human being for fun, I see you as someone who does not see the total person but only a torso with genitals for you to play with. Men who view women as sex objects have "FUN". Is it really any better to view a man as a sex object?

Person-to-person “Sexual 'FUN'” leaves an indelible mark on the body, mind, heart, and soul of a BOTH human beings.  I am a demi-sexual polyamorous being. We never have “sex for "FUN", but only for “physical intimacy.” Yes, we are a weird sort of person. Not better, just different, slaves to our agape for human beings, not able to see them as physical objects to use for our own "FUN" only.

First we see them as people, like us, with all the joys and sorrows that life has to offer, with feeling and emotions, with needs and desires, and with the ability to love and help others cope with life and share intimate love. We do not usually feel sexual attraction until we find that another person has the positive personality traits that we think are so important. Yup, we may seem like such strange entities. 

It is a travesty to me when two or more persons taint the grandeur that is human so that they can be the first to have a physical orgasm. Yes, I believe that God made us in “His Image.” It is that image that “sex for "FUN" debases. I know that is my belief and may be deemed ludicrous by others who recognize humans beings first and foremost as animals, rational as St. Thomas Aquinas contended, but animals none the less, to be used or abused as commodities for our needs and our pleasures.

I believe in a way that the belief in monogamy may bolster this "FUN" concept of sex. Monogamy purports that we all have a soul/sole mate. "For life," we bond with this person who will fulfill all of our intimacy needs – social, cognitive, emotional, and physical. To protect this monogamous union, we must avoid any really intimate relationship with others.

So what happens when our primate nature craves intimacy of all 4 types from more than our soul/sole mate? It is important for us to be able to say to our monogamous possessor that it is only friendship, acquaintanceship, collegiality. In the case of having sex with someone out of the monogamy encampment, “It was just meaningless "FUN."

Yet, human beings can, in fact, not only love, but be “in love” with more than one person. However, the monogamy myth is that we cannot. So when a sex "FUN" person realizes that the sex has had its impact on them, they rationalized that they have “fallen in love” with another person. Thus, they must be “out of love,” with their current partner. You can fill in what will probably happen -- divorce, separation, or reconciliation ("I made a mistake. I really love only you. It was just meaningless fun.")

Whatever the case, I am dismayed that many, probably most of us, feel it is okay to use others for sexual "FUN". Demi-sexuals like me just cannot. We respect and love human beings too much. Yes, we probably miss out on a lot of "FUN." However, using others for "FUN" is not in our natures.

I do not in anyway condemn those who have multiple partners and enjoy “sexual intimacy.” On the contrary, I believe it is a natural need of humans to love one another in a myriad of ways. It is only when myths like monogamy try to pervert our human nature, that we see sex as “having "FUN",  instead of what it is that "FUN" is  really doing, ignoring our humanity and that of our sex partner.