A RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD UNDERSTOOD THROUGH LOVE NOT FEAR
When I was young
up to about age 19, I was a very devout Catholic.
I considered
myself an evil sinner;
I believed God
forced burdens upon me (I am homosexual and have an anxiety disorder);
I felt that He
always tested me, (I had panic attacks during exams, suffered deep depression
episodes, had an abusive father and passive aggressive mother);
and I would likely
burn in hell when I died.
In general, I
feared God because I had been taught by the Church that my ancestors Adam and Eve committed the original sin and all
humanity and I became anathema in God’s Eyes. I heard about the love of God,
but it was Fear of God that all good Catholics really had faith in.
Then, an important event happened in my life. I went to the Roman Catholic seminary to study to become a
priest.
WHAT I LEARNED IN THE SEMINARY
I guess since I was a hated sinner, was so overwhelmed with the Fear of God, and was a man who could never submit to the "HOMOSEXUALITY," I figured that I was a great candidate for the priesthood.
By the way, my
decision was made well before the era of sexual abuse charges against priest
and other clergy.
In the seminary. I was taught that
there were two ways to Salvation.
Imperfect
Contrition:
According to the
old “Act of Contrition”
“I am heartly
sorry for having offended Thee because I dread the loss of heaven and the pains
of hell”
Thus, you are
sorry for offending God because you fear Him and His punishment.
Perfect
Contrition
Again, the Act of
Contrition
“I am heartly
sorry for having offended … because I offend Thee My God who are all good and
deserving of all my love.”
Thus, you are
sorry for any sins because you love God.
I also learned the true nature of sin.
Sin
Must be Intentional
To sin,
individuals must freely choose to commit an act which they believe is
inherently evil or bad.
This is what was
drilled into my head in our Religious Studies Courses in the seminary. So,
intent to commit a sin is required for any of us to be guilty of sin.
We worked through
many examples in the seminary but let me just briefly discuss two which I hope
will make clear what the definition of sin is all about.
There is a
commandment (albeit Old Testament {OT})
“Thou
shalt not kill.”
This commandment
is well-known and killing is generally considered a sin. However, let us
consider soldiers at war. Soldiers are expected to kill enemy soldiers during
war. It is expected of them, and they are put in situations where they must
kill to survive.
If when a soldier
kills another soldier, he or she firmly believes that the taking of that other
soldier’s life is a good action, protecting their family, their friends, their
country, and their own life, then the soldier has committed no sin.
However, if a
soldier feels that killing another human being, regardless of the circumstance,
is an evil act, then they have sinned, regardless of what their country,
family, friends, and religion says.
Another
commandment from the OT
“Thou
shalt not steal.”
I think a fun
example is Robin Hood and his Merry Men. According to legend, Robin and his
gang regularly stole money and other things from the nobility. If Robin
and all his men thought that stealing from the rich and giving the wealth to
the less fortunate was a good deed, then none of them sinned.
However, if any of
the Merry Men felt that taking away the money or possessions of others was
wrong, then they had committed a sin.
I believe that religious
leaders do not have the right or knowledge to preach what is sin to us. Sin is
subjective and must be willful, calculated, and deliberate. Clergy have no
spiritual justification or authorization for telling us we have sinned nor to
judge us. In fact, only God and the sinners can know if a sin has been
committed and only God can judge.
Since I believe
that religions have no right to preach to their congregations or parishes what
is individual sin and what is not and that is God's and only His right, much of
organized religion is committing at least the sin of Pride. I feel that they
must stop thinking that they speak for God. I believe this is their biggest
sin, and they continue to commit this sin. By spreading fear of God and
condemning others as sinners and satanist, they are turning people away from
God's love and mercy. I believe that it is Satan who wants us to fear God and
to fear God's punishment and wrath. We cannot love God if we fear him only. Why
do not clergy learn this great lesson that I have learned?
When I was in the seminary, John 23rd
was Pope and espoused two fundamental beliefs:
In 1958, Angelo
Giuseppe Roncalli was elected pope, taking the name John XXIII. As pope, he was
known personally for his warmth and sense of humor. His most notable
achievement was convening the Second Vatican Council, which would go on to
make notable changes to Catholic practice. In a surprise announcement in 1959,
Pope John XXIII called all the world's Catholic bishops and cardinals to Rome
to discuss modernizing the Church. The discussions led to major changes in
Catholicism, from allowing priests to say Mass in languages other than
Latin, to the recognition of other faiths.
An elderly pontiff, considered to be a
transitional pope, carried out one of the most profound changes in the Church
in modern time,
“John XXIII worked
to increase dialogue between Christians and all other denominations, even
inviting Muslims, American Indians, and members of various Christian
denominations as observers to the Second Vatican Council. He also established
the first Vatican department to promote unity amongst Christians.
At his death,
crowds chanted 'sainthood now' as they paid their last respects, a gesture that
would be seen again years later at the death of John Paul II
God
is Love
During the reign
of John XXIII, he tried to change the emphasis on God as the vengeful God of
the Old Testament to the New Testament God, “God is Love.” During his
shepherdship, the Church focused more on the loving and merciful God of the New
Testament. Catholic worship evolved from the mystical, clergy-centered Latin rites
of the past to a cultural, vernacular, uplifting mass filled with the singing
and speaking voices of the congregation. All religions were invited to
concelebrate the love and mercy of God together with Catholics.
Saint Pope John 23
was pope for only 4 years – 1958 to 1962. He was the first Pope of the 20th century
who preached perfect contrition and love of God. He taught that the two ultimate
commandments were what a Catholic should follow to live a good Christian live.
“30 You shall love the Lord your God
with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with
all your strength.’ 31
The
second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other
commandment greater than these.”
Mark 12:30-31, New Catholic Bible
Rather than preaching these two commandments as the highest calling of human beings, religions seem to want us to keep our talents and our true selves under a basket for ourselves and our family.
They do not espouse attending to the cries for help from
our neighbours; instead they encourage us to waste all the inspiration that the
Holy Spirit gives us to merely avoid sin and save ourselves only, while
ignoring the salvation and needs of others.
I am afraid that
established churches are making individuals afraid of God and look upon Him as
vengeful and punishing. Individuals may turn away from His love and mercy. That
is what frightens me about religion. They are conceited and think they speak
for God.
I do not speak for
God. I merely bask in his love and mercy and try to have others accept his love
and mercy. The Churches are promoting a dark picture of God. However, I know
that the clergy feel that they are doing good. Thus, I believe that in God’s
eyes, they are not sinning and are not sinners. May the Holy Ghost push them to
accept God as loving and merciful. May churches accept the grace of the Holy
Spirit and realize that they are not always speaking for God.
I believe that God
loves us and wants us to meet Him in heaven. He will always forgive us for our
sins. Unfortunately, His own churches have misled us, chastised us, condemned
us, manipulated us, and have hidden His Love and Mercy from us.
Avoid
Sin by Doing Good
During his reign,
Pope John XXIII emphasized that we can avoid sin by always doing good. We must
follow the second greatest commandment at all times’ 31 The
second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ By following this commandment, we do in fact,
follow the first commandment, 30 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and
with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ because
we are showing love to God’s creations, whom he created in “His own image.”
Salvation
was not a matter of just avoiding sin, but I believe that John emphasized that
God is disappointed as much when we are not "loving our neighbour as we love ourselves"
as He is by other sins. Pope John 23 asked: “Do you help your neighbour? Do you
listen to their problems? Do you give alms to those who might be less fortunate
than you? Do you try to help people live a happy and Christian life? Do you
share God's love with others?”
I think that Pope
John XXIII also stressed the need to be actively concerned, not for just your
salvation, but the salvation of your neighbours as well.
During his reign,
the church preached doing good in ways that would help others achieve salvation
rather than simply avoiding sin for your own salvation. For example, John
suggested doing good deeds, charitable donations, volunteering for the needy,
visiting the aged and infirm, and even visiting the imprisoned, rather than
giving something up for Lent. Do God’s positive and loving work, rather than
not doing something to avoid sin.
I now believe, from my learning at the seminary and through the wisdom of Saint Pope John XXIII, that, rather than just avoiding sin, it is perfect contrition that pleases God the most.
TO LOVE GOD THOUGH POSITIVE ACTS TOWARD HIS CREATIONS, WHOM HE MADE IN HIS OWN IMAGE.
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