MONOGAMY AND BEING A HUMAN BEING

 

Let's forget about Covid-19 restrictions and lockdowns for a few minutes and talk about another destructive force which has catastrophic effects on people in many parts of the world.

 

MONOGAMY 

 

 

 

MONOGAMY IS A DENIAL OF OUR LOVE FOR ALL HUMAN BEINGS

 

Agapé is an unconditional love for all human beings and includes many levels of intimacy. To me, Agapé combines the best aspects of 3 Greek loves -- Agape, Philia, and Eros,

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/hide-and-seek/201606/these-are-the-7-types-love

 

I believe that Monogamy is actually a denial of our Agapé -- Monogamy demands that our highest love is for one person, our "sole/soul" mate and one person only. Humans are primates and, as primates, we seek intimacy, affection, warmth, and love from many other humans. Monogamy calls this "Cheating”; thus, it demeans our agapé for others and tries to distort our loving relationships. Monogamy causes us to break up with a partner we love, in order to love another. 

 

 

 

POLYAMORY UNDERSTANDS OUR NEED FOR HUMAN INTIMACY

 

Naturally speaking, we can share intimacy -- physical, emotional, social, cognitive, and even spiritual and psychic intimacy with many others. Polyamory recognizes, emphasizes, and supports this natural part of human nature. Monogamy denies it and corrupts this natural agapé by naming it “cheating.”

 

 

 

THE ORIGINS OF MONOGAMY ARE NOT ROMANTIC

 

The beginnings of monogamy have really nothing to do with love and finding our life-long mate, the person who is meant for us. One explanation is that monogamy grew out of the heterosexual need for females to have someone help her protect her offspring. Another is that because early human beings tended to be solitary, monogamy developed out of difficulty of finding sexual partners to fulfill the supposedly instinctive drive to continue the species. A more modern explanation (just a couple of thousand years) is that monogamy was enshrined in religion and law to protect the property of the family. Thus, married men and women could still have multiple partners because only legitimate children, not out of marriage offspring, had any right to claim property. Still other theories state that monogamy joined families together and kept them together for mutual financial, safety, or power reasons.

 

The most romantic explanation is that passionate love (strong sexual feelings) for another person wanes over time and becomes a less intense love called companionate love. The rules of monogamy were to suppose to keep couples together when sex becomes more of a routine. The human beings, notably King Henry VIII of England,  invented DIVORCE.

 

Of course, the ideal of monogamy has also affected many gay and lesbian couples as well, who want to adhere to religious and cultural standards.

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/culture-mind-and-brain/201610/did-we-evolve-be-monogamous

 

https://ifstudies.org/blog/is-monogamy-unnatural/

 

https://daily.jstor.org/the-totally-unromantic-origin-of-monogamy/

 

MONOGAMY HAS HAD QUESTIONABLE SUCCESS

 

The dubious of "success" of monogamy is demonstrated by a 50% rate of divorce, and a much higher rate of "cheating" among monogamous couples. "it can be estimated that 50-60% of married men and 45-55% of married women engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their marriage and almost half come to therapy because of it." Cyber-Sex

 

POLYAMORY OFFERS AN ALTERNATIVE OTHER THAN PROMISCUITY

 

However, Polyamorous persons do not jump from person to person. People in an open/promiscuous relationship do that. Those who believe in polyamory look for intimacy first -- although sex is a human need like eating, sleeping, breathing, defecating, and urinating, Physical intimacy may be sexual, but its purpose is not sex -- it is an expression of intimacy and one way to fulfill the human need for intimacy. I say this a lot -- There are at least four types of intimacy -- social, emotional, cognitive, and physical as well as possibly psychic and spiritual. It is those intimacies that polyamorous people look for. If physical intimacy happens, it is not necessarily sexual -- a cuddle, holding each other, massage exchange or, of course, it could be sexual. Many believe that, orgasm when there is mutual caring is one of the greatest moments of happiness in a man's life. 

 

Polyamorous couples must always be open and honest with their partners about who they are and what they are dong. Also, the happiness of their partners must be a priority to them. Communication is the key to deal with any monogamous remnants of feeling of cheating, guilt, and jealousy.

 

 

 

POLYAMORY ALLOWS US TO FULFILL OUR NEED FOR TOUCH

 

Although the amount of touch we experience and desire may differ because of our cultural upbringing, all human beings need touch. The part of intimacy that many get the highest level of fulfillment is from lying in bed with another human being, with mutual hugging, rubbing each other's entire bodies, and kissing gently or passionately.

 

 

 

Personally, I love the feeling of the warmth of the body and soul of another person who craves and needs to share intimacy. Orgasm is nice, but for me, pales in comparison to the glow of warm, loving physical intimacy.

 

At my age, I feel that life is short, so many human beings to share intimacy with, and I am on the downside of life. My only regret is that I did not understand Agape and Polyamory all my life.